Thoughts that Malik Thinks
by malik-ishtar67
Summary: What does Malik do when he's not being evil? Well, his mind sidetracks and he usually starts thinking up nonsense! Only PG-13 because of a little language. Hehehe...
1. Chapter 1 Ryou

Malik's POV all the way (Don't own Yu-Gi-Oh still)  
  
Chap. 1-Ryou  
  
....What was I doing? Oh, right, Ryou dragged me out with him to buy furniture for his house. Dear Ra, why me? Because Bakura had to go on one of his 'outings' and everyone else (yes, even my yami, why the yami???) went on a trip. I think there's something furry on my leg. Am I talking to myself?  
  
No, that's just the rat. ...OH MY RA!! IT'S A RAT!!!  
  
I jump on the table nearest to me and Ryou gives me this you-are-crazy- look, so I glare at him. I like glaring. It's actually pretty funny if you do it right, so I practice a lot at every damn squirrel I see.  
  
My friend that enjoys shopping in huge malls says, "Malik, I think I'm done buying." Is this the same Ryou that spends up to 7 hours a day shopping for clothes, food, and meaningless junk? No, probably not, so because of my quick-witted mind, I stare at him and say, "Who are you?" He then drops his stuff and stares at me with those huge creepy eyes of his. (They look they belong to this guy from my nightmare who kept asking me 'Where's my candy?' and I think I kicked the dude in the nuts...that's not the point)  
  
What happened to the rat?  
  
Oh, right, I'm walking. How did I end up walking? Why am I asking you?? WHO ARE YOU? Gods, I need something to get rid of this headache.  
  
Whoa.am I where I think I am? I think I'm at Ryou's house. He sure has a fast car. I'm going to inspect it. I see Ryou getting all his stuff out of his car (How does he fit all that?), but don't care. Walking over, I notice a pile of dirt. Yes, pile of dirt very nice. Looking closely at the dirt, I inspect some black clumps, and I don't think I wanna know where that came from. Maybe...I shouldn't go near his car. Yeah, seems safer that way.  
  
Ryou has just asked me to help him set up the furniture, and I think there's something scary in his house. Something dark. Something evil. Something like......THAT!! No, wait, that's the couch. THAT!!! Yes, that is it!! The soup on the table that is full of vitamins and minerals and a bunch of other healthy things!! Nooooo!!! Taking quick refuge on the couch that I think is alive, I start staring at the soup. Ryou's giving me that look again.  
  
Ok, is it possible for Ryou to carry a chair? Because I think so not of that.  
  
He starts wobbling over to me with that chair, and I start to think he's going to drop it on me. Instead, he says, "Malik, you mind helping me?!?" Hey, was that an insult? The great strong Malik does not mind anything!! Except for when people mistake me for a girl, very hot water, oversized gloves, and paper cuts. Oh, and this annoying woman that keeps telling me to brush my hair. Who was she again? Oh yeah, my sister, Isis.  
  
Was she supposed to be named after a goddess? I mean, I don't think that's completely fair. She gets the whole goddess of healing or something name and I get Malik! Simple boring Malik that actually means master, or king whatever, in Arabic, but I AM NOT ARABIC!! For those of you who think I am, I'm pretty sure the show makes it obvious that I am indeed Egyptian. Egyptian heritage after all. How hard is that to understand? I mean, Arabic??? Come on!! Do Arabics write in hieroglyphics?!?  
  
......What was I doing?  
  
"Malik!! Help me carry this stuff right now!!"  
  
......Oh yeah!  
  
I carry a table from the front of the door as Ryou finishes placing that chair he was carrying. I ask him, "Where am I supposed to put this?" He simply answers, "In the corner."  
  
Placing it in the corner, he (like many cartoons) says, "No, a little to the right," so I put it in the right. "No, maybe more to the left." Ok, moving it to the left. "Little more...little more...perfect."  
  
Sighing, I put the table down and, just when I was about to sit on the couch, he says, "I think we should put it upstairs." 


	2. Chapter 2 Marik

(Still Malik's POV and still don't own Yu-Gi-Oh.)  
  
Chap. 2-Marik  
  
"MARIK!!!!! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY LIVING ROOM?!?!?!"  
  
Did what just happen really happen or am I just crazy? Actually, I probably am crazy...That's not that point. What happened to my floor?  
  
At this point, I think the size of my eyes exceeded their limit on my face.  
  
Are those ants crawling out of the holes in the ground? ...I think I'm going to cry. "Marik, you owe me a floor."  
  
"Not my fault!! Not my fault!! It was his fault!!" The very smart and behaving yami of mine points to the cricket I have in a cage. "...Marik, I'm going to take off your head now." There's a knife somewhere in the kitchen, so I go there.  
  
While walking, I wonder 'Why is there only one knife in the kitchen? Aren't there different kinds for different uses? Like butter knife, bread knife, turkey knife...I think. But our house only has one. ONE lousy knife that I use for absolutely everything from cutting meat to poking holes in pieces of paper that give me paper cuts.'  
  
You know, I always get paper cuts when I hold paper from the side, and now I'm starting to think that they are plotting against me. They're just jealous of my plans to take over the world. I will destroy all of them!! Papyrus was always more less sharp. Why don't they make papyrus anymore? Damn new special paper that gives me the hurtful cuts.  
  
Hey, I'm in the kitchen. What was I doing?  
  
Didn't Yami tell me to do something today? That accursed pharaoh is always telling me to do things for him. What am I, his servant? If I recall, it was I that had all the mind slaves. Wonder whatever happened to them. Maybe they decided to go for a swim. Those robes weren't meant to be for the water, though. It's a pity. Maybe I should start making water-proof clothes instead.  
  
Ooh, a soda is in the fridge. I grab it and walk past my yami to go to my room to watch TV. Why is Marik staring at me? Does he plan to steal my soda? I glare at him and say, "This soda's mine," and run to my room.  
  
He's giving me that look that Ryou always gives me. I hate that look, it scares me. Hmm.....Spongebob's on. Awesomez! 


	3. Chapter 3 Tea and Tea bashings!

(What do you think? I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh)  
  
Chap. 3-Tea (Tea bashing!!)  
  
Walking on the street bored as heck, I notice a pink dot from far away. It seemed to be getting bigger by the second. Squinting at it, I notice that it seems to be a person with brown hair.  
  
Oh my-  
  
"HHHEEEEYYY MAAALIIIKKK!!!!!"  
  
Aauugghh!!!! I'm going to barf!!!! Shit!! How can she run that fast? Must look for a hammer or something.  
  
"Malik!!! You will pay!!"  
  
And that's coming from a disgusting pink girl-thing with a disgusting voice and a disgusting foul mouth with the disgusting pink? I'm disgusted!!  
  
The she-thing runs over to me and starts ranting about how I 'tainted' her friendship with Yugi, Joey, and what's-his-shit. I want to kick her right now, but I really don't want to have to make my shoe dirty.  
  
Um...Not that I like my shoe or anything. Don't listen to Bakura!! He says lies about my shoe! AALLL LIIIEESS!!!!  
  
*flashback*  
  
Bakura: Hey, Ryou, wanna know something about Malik?  
  
Ryou: Um...Ok, I guess.  
  
Bakura: He kisses his shoe!!  
  
Ryou: ........  
  
*end flashback*  
  
O-K, that's enough of that.  
  
I try to walk away from her, but she just follows me around while ranting on and on and on and on and on and on-......you get the point, right? Wait, I'm talking to myself again. (Cue sweatdrop)  
  
I wonder if I can get something to eat. I like food, yes, food good thing. Maybe there's a place where I can get burgers around here somewhere. Hmm...  
  
"And another thing!! Friendship is not something you can hurt when all my friends work together and I know that I.."  
  
Sheesh, this thing is annoying. Aw, heck, I'll just sanitize my shoe later.  
  
I kick her in the ass and stomach, and then roll her onto the street. Walking away while whistling innocently would be a good thing to do right now, so I do just that. I gotta find something to sanitize my shoe.  
  
Yay! I think I just heard a car run over something with a bump sound!! 


	4. Chapter 4 Bakura

(Important note!!)  
  
(Actually not that important but you should read it anyway XD)  
  
Ok, ok, ok. For people who don't know it, Malik is how they spell his name in the Japanese version, and I'm using that one. And for reasons I cannot explain because I don't know them, Malik is the Hikari and Marik is the Yami. It's easier for me that way.  
  
Oh, and it's up to you to decide if Malik kisses his shoe or not. Do you believe Bakura? Or Malik? Gee, two psychotic killers to choose from.  
  
Since we're talking about Bakura after all, let's do him for this chapter. Let the chaos ensue! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Both of them will be pretty much stupid, evil, and weird all at the same time, just to let you know.  
  
Don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!  
  
Chapter 4-Bakura  
  
"Malik...Hey, Malik..."  
  
Who is talking to me? Is it my cricket again? I'll kill him..or eat him...  
  
"MALIK!!! WAKE UP!!!!"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!"  
  
Falling out of my bed, I notice who was talking to me. "Ryou?"  
  
"It's me, dipshit."  
  
"....Ryou, I never knew you cussed..."  
  
Ow!! Someone smacked me in the head! "It's Bakura, you lame excuse for an item holder!!"  
  
"But I'm not holding an item. I'm sleeping."  
  
"............"  
  
"What? Hey, Ryou, your hair's messed up."  
  
"AAAAUUUGGGH!!! I AM NOT RYOU!!! I AM BAKURA!!!!"  
  
Who? Oh, yeah, him. I think I'm going to go back to sleep now. Climbing back onto my bed, I see Bakura's hand raised up on top of me. I wonder what he's going to do with th-  
  
SMACK!  
  
...Ow....  
  
Immediately jumping out of the comfort of my bed, I tackle Bakura to the ground and start screaming in his face. Hahahahaha, yes, someday I will rule the world. Then I'll scream in everyone's face. Yay!  
  
"You bastard!! Don't ever do that when I'm trying to sleep!! Can't you see I need to rest!?! I was up late last night watching the marathon of-"  
  
"Porno?"  
  
"EW!! NO!! JUST BECAUSE I'M A PERVERT DOESN'T MEAN I WATCH PORNO, YOU SICK TWISTED-"  
  
"Bastard?"  
  
"....Shut up."  
  
I swear I'm going to get him for that. He is going to pay for his incompetence!! The mother fu-  
  
"You got anything to eat?"  
  
"STOP CUTTING ME OFF!!!"  
  
"Gee, someone sure is cranky."  
  
Is he smirking? I'm going to kick his ass later, I swear it. I must devise a plan!! Running, also known as walking quickly, to my room, I start writing down traps I could use on Bakura while still in my pajamas. Don't you dare ask me what they look like!!  
  
Hm...Cannon, pile of shit, a lamp, a very hot bowl....  
  
Yes..excellent. Muahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Grinning evilly to myself, I close my notebook, also known as the 'Book of evil plans'.  
  
Suddenly, the unexpected happens!! My stomach growls. I'm hungry.  
  
Running, also known as walking quickly, down the stairs, I head for the kitchen. I see Bakura doing the unthinkable!!  
  
'HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE????' I think, 'HOW COULD HE DO THAT?!?!?!?!'  
  
(To be continued tomorrow, I'm too lazy) 


	5. Chapter 5 Bakura Continued

Auugghhh!!! My internet wasn't working all day yesterday!! I blame my dad. Anyway, here's the next chapter of Bakura. Guess what, Ivy? You were right!! (Check the reviews if you're lost) I do read all my reviews, every single one of them.  
  
I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh damnit!  
  
Chapter 5- Bakura Continued  
  
"You can cook. Oh dear Ra, you know how to cook!"  
  
He stares at me and says "Duh! It's not like Ryou's always home, so I have to cook my own food, damnit!"  
  
"Aw, that's unfair. I thought you always stole everything you wanted to eat. Didn't you used to eat raw meat?"  
  
"I found out that you can get worms from that."  
  
He shuddered, and I'm just scared right now. When did he learn to cook, and how did he know about worms? If he's an ancient Egyptian spirit, does he even need to worry about that? Why am I talking to myself again? Is that a fish I see on the table?  
  
I should carry aspirins with me or something...I keep getting headaches. Note the sweatdrop on my head when I say this: There is still a hole in my living room the size of a dining table!! Curses!! CURSES!!!!  
  
I forgot to cut off his head!!! Why did I have to have Marik? WWHHYYY???  
  
Because it's the pharaoh's fault!! Yes, blame everything on the pharaoh and it'll be perfect. "Hehehehehehe...."  
  
Ack!! The look!! NOOOOOO!!!! Damn you, Bakura!! Damn you!!! "Damn you to hell!!"  
  
.....I think Bakura's about to smack me again. AAHHH!!!! DUCK AND COVER!!  
  
Jumping quickly under the table in my kitchen and glare at Bakura. "You will not take my life again, tomb robber!!  
  
"...Idiot," and he goes right back to his cooking. I really don't trust him, so I grab my many junk foods and run to my room.  
  
My room is actually pretty small. Why'd I choose that room, anyway? I think it's because there were two rooms connected to that one and I could store stuff inside them. One would be my junk and shit room, and the other would be a room. A normal room filled with animals! Fufufu...  
  
I like collecting animals that I find in random places. I got crickets, other bugs, birds, snakes, bigger snakes, and some cats. I wonder if they ate each other yet...  
  
A long, long, long, long, long, looooonnnnnnggggg time ago, I got a book about snakes and I started learning about them. But it also had all this other shit about frogs, swamps, lizards and gizzards, and-  
  
.....What the heck is a gizzard, anyway? Can someone please help me here? Oh, wait, I'm alone, all alone in my room with nothing but my TV, my food, and my many animals clawing and chewing at each other in the next room. Oh, what joy.  
  
Gasp! Do I hear blood spurting out of an animal's veins? Disgusting, yes, but it's not like I'm the one being massacred. Maybe I should start feeding my pets. I only had them for 4 months, but I think I should feed them.  
  
Walking over to the room, I open it and I'm greeted by a horrific sight. Quickly closing the door, I realize that I don't think I need to feed them.  
  
Seems safer for my hand if I don't feed them. They can find their own food, right? Yeah...  
  
I hear the door close downstairs. Hmm...Guess Bakura left. How long has it been?  
  
Looking outside the window, I see that it's dark.  
  
"Oh..." 


	6. Chapter 6 Joey

Well, I guess I'm writing about Joey, then. Keep voting for characters! You know I won't write more if you don't! Don't vote, don't read!  
  
(Yes, I do hate Tristan, but I don't hate Joey. Malik might, though, so...yeah.)  
  
I do not own the Yu-Gi-Oh!  
  
Chapter 6-Joey  
  
I can't believe I have to buy my own groceries! Where's Isis when you need her? Oh, of course, she's off on an archaeological dig with some special friends that could alter life and death as we know it! Tch, like that matters. What really matters is how full my refrigerator and how much food is inside my stomach!  
  
Ooh, meat. Walking down the aisle of...the meat...I see..is it? No, it cannot be! Joey! Eek! (AN -Gee, that was a real surprise..*points to chapter title*)  
  
Joey looks at me and says, "Marik?"  
  
'What...an...idiot.'  
  
He looks all angry and pissed. "You remember what ya did to me at Battle City?!"  
  
Ok, now I'm scared. Is there anywhere to hide? Looking around, I see meat. And fish. Ack! There's nowhere to hide!!  
  
"DUDE, YOU GONNA PAY!"  
  
(Warning-Malik's Rant) Can someone say, 'Grammar problems?' Not that I don't have grammar problems myself, but I'm not the main character. They usually pay more attention to what they say instead of the evil villains, like moi. It's pretty unfair. I mean, why should I make my awesome speeches of evil when no one pays attention to it? Maybe if they paid more attention, they could probably find loopholes or something! But nooooo, they just have to be so smart and daring with their 'fighting for justice' thing that they don't pay attention to MY grammatical errors! Smart people like evil villains always look for loopholes! It helps them be evil! I remember that I saw this show where the evil dude kept finding loopholes to the rules, making him not in trouble. If other people did that..coughpharaohcough..then it'd probably be more difficult trying to win when you're being cheated against! Not to mention, in a lot of shows, the people who make it always use the joke, 'Who's they?' in part of the story, like- (End Rant)  
  
"I'M GONNA KICK YOUR SORRY-"  
  
As I was saying....no one ever-  
  
Oh shit, he's chasing me! Quickly running down the aisle, I notice a lot of people staring, but they do that a lot anyway. Probably 'cause of my good looks.  
  
I'm almost out of the store, but he just keeps on going!! Damn, all of the pharaoh's friends run fast! (Tea bashing!) Even that slutty bitch, Tea! (End Tea bashings!)  
  
If only I had the damn Millennium Rod right now! I can't believe I left it at home, stupid therapy. 'You don't need it,' they say, 'It builds your self-esteem to not take it with you all the time.' And that was right before I bashed his head in on the table, too.  
  
EW, fat old lady with too much smelly make-up and a fat old dog with too much make-up says-or actually screeches-"Watch where you're going, young man!! People are trying to walk here!!!! Of all the undignified things to do, you barbaric child!"  
  
Ugh, it's things like her that make me want to puke all over her fat little ugly dog!  
  
I forgot why I'm running...Hey, look, it's Joey. Why's he running, too? Are we in a race?  
  
"YOU BASTARD!!!"  
  
I guess not....  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVIL PISSED OFF MUTT ON THE LOOSE!!!!"  
  
"WHAT?!?! HOW DARE YOU!!!"  
  
I think he has the evil cross-eyed look that people usually use on chat and stuff that look like this: . Real scary when you see in on their actual face.  
  
Oh man, he's still chasing me, what the heck is wrong with that kid? He has some problems.  
  
Hey, a nickel!  
  
Ahem, anyway. AAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
He's chasing me, he's chasing me, he's chasing, chasing, chasing me!! I'm gonna die!! Looking back, I see him running, but then he trips on the nickel and goes unconscious. I stop running, pick up the nickel, and walk back to my house. The groceries can wait. I got A NICKEL!!!!! Hehehehehehe.... 


	7. Chapter 7 Yami

Oh, I am so proud. *sniffs* Anyway, you people go read Mariks Chaos Goddess' story, Malik at Large (the Yami, not the Hikari) after reading mine, ok? It's very, very, very, very, very, very, very, er...good! Read it and Review, and I'll be checking if you did! Bwuahahahahaha!!!! Help me encourage her to write more, people! *ahem* anyway, I guess I'll be writing about the pharaoh.....Yes, I do mean Yami Yugi. (Who will just be called Yami like usual)  
  
IMPORTANT NOTE!! Do none of you read the rules?? Vote for characters by submitting reviews to the Rules of Voting chapter!!  
  
Disclaimer-Don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! X_X  
  
Chapter 7-Yami  
  
Ah, a comforting morning in the park. The birds chirping, the squirrels...um...squeaking, and the annoying pharaoh telling me to do stuff for him. Oh, how he will pay....with cash!  
  
Wait, that wasn't right.  
  
Ooh, hey, is that a spy I spy spying on..other spies? No, it's the pharaoh, checking for traps that I laid for him. Damn Yugi person suggesting we should spend more time together in an effort to get along and damn Marik for betting on how long until the pharaoh's head is 'misplaced' on his neck.  
  
I have to not do anything to him until night or else I won't get my 50 bucks! My face currently looks all cross-eyed. I picked it up from Joey. .  
  
(AN, hey, I think this will actually be a long chapter)  
  
Following him around the park, BORED. Watching him look at the sites, STILL BORED. Trying to resist the urge to pull of his arms, VERY, VERY BORED!! Ugh, I wish I had some kind of sticky note to stick on my head saying the word, "bored" over and over and over and over and over again. (AN-For people who recognize where this came from, I do not own Kids Next Door)  
  
Hmm, it's the afternoon, I can tell cause people are eating. Now, I'm hungry.  
  
"PHARAOH!!"  
  
"...what?"  
  
"I'm hungry. Buy me some food."  
  
"......."  
  
"What? I promise not to hack your head off until it gets dark." I take out this huge knife that I was carrying (AN- Do NOT ask me where he puts it) I bet he didn't count on me carrying that. His eyes get all big and freaked, and he agrees. Yes, I was right. Then, he leaves quickly.  
  
Now at least, I'll be sure to get my 50 and free food. Well, free for me, but that pharaoh has to pay. Hahahaha...ha!  
  
He comes back a few minutes later, (Running abilities!) and gives me a burger and fries. This will do very nicely. He sits down next to me looking tired and starts staring at a tree. Does he find that tree interesting or something?  
  
I try to stare at the tree while eating, and I notice random markings on it. Strange... Finishing in (Looks at watch) 2 minutes, I walk over and stare at the tree for a few minutes and yami just sits there also staring at the tree. Damn unfair, does he have better eyesight then me or something?  
  
Hey, it's a story.  
  
'Once upon a time, there lived 3 happy apples who were happily living with a happy little boy in Happyland. One day, all the people in Happyland got hungry and ate the 3 apples and turned into ferocious beasts. Later, all the beasts destroyed the world!!!!!'  
  
o.o;  
  
Wow...that is such..a weird story. Hey, who wrote this thing?  
  
Ooh, look at Yami's face!! Look at it!! O.0; Hahahahahaha!!! That is so messed up! He must've read the story. Aw, some people are sooo slow.  
  
I think it's somewhere around 4. Glancing at this kid who walks by with a watch, (Gee, how convenient) I see that it is 5. I was close!! So ever close!  
  
What in the heck is the pharaoh doing? Ra, it's so boring in a park. Could've been an amusement park, but nooooo, had to be a lousy stinkin' park. Is that an old dude I see rolling down the hill?  
  
Yami takes out this packet of sugar coated sugar candies and starts to eat them. I would think that this is dangerous if I wasn't so caught up in staring at the old guy saying, "Whhhheeeeeeee!!!!" and rolling, rolling, rolling down the hill.  
  
The pharaoh suddenly jumps up from his seat and runs over to the old guy.  
  
This is he: "HEY, CAN I JOIN YOU???"  
  
The old guy says, "SURE, DUDE!! YOU A BEGINNER?"  
  
"YEAH!!!"  
  
" JUST ROLL DOWN IT, DUDE!!"  
  
"OK!!!"  
  
..........Anybody else notice something weird about this picture? Yami, the almighty pharaoh, ruler of Egypt, is rolling down a hill with a hairy old guy who seems to be drunk. I really don't think that I should go anywhere near them. Besides, it's already nighttime. I'm going home, screw the chopping off the pharaoh's head idea. Getting out my knife, I carve my own story below the one about ferocious beasts and apples and head home.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Ok, so it wasn't that long, but heck, it was 1 to 2 pages on Microsoft word longer than the other ones. Oh, and in case anyone wants to know the story that Malik carved, just ask. If I get 5 people asking me what the story it, I'll tell you in the next chapter. (I'm doing Tristan bashing!) 


	8. Chapter 8 Tristan and Tristan bashings!

About the last chapter where Malik had a watch, and then he needed this other kid's watch...er....don't ask.  
  
It's a tie between Tristan, Mokuba, and Duke. Well..since SOME people aren't voting, I'm doing Tristan. I wanna bash him! XD  
  
Oh yeah, and I'm telling you what he wrote, too. The 'tile fish' was my friend's idea, and I won't say their name unless they ask. Fufufu...Anyway...here's the little note/warning that Malik carved on the tree:  
  
"SUGARY MADNESS WILL RULE THE WORLD!! ALL SHALL HAIL DOWN TO ME!! MALIK ISHTAR!! AND SUGAR!! BEHOLD!! The fish, the fish, the fishy fish! Nobody can see them, but I know!! Created from sugar and randomness, the tile fish have come to enslave us all! They live on the tiles..and when you step on them, you suddenly forget where you're going! (That's why people forgot what they're doing so quickly) BEWARE THE TILE FISH!!!"  
  
Ok, I kinda changed it a bit, but it's still the same name and..habitat! That is a lot of exclamations....On with the story!  
  
Chapter 8-Tristan  
  
(Twitch. Twitch.) What the heck is wrong with this guy? It's like he can't stop being an idiot! I watch him as he runs around terrorizing little kids. How the heck did I end up here anyway?  
  
...I forget.  
  
Damnit, he's scary. Not scary like my yami scary. My yami is I-want-to- destroy-everything kind of scary. Bakura would be I-need-blood kind of scary. Tristan is Ha-ha-I'm-a-poopyhead-please-insult-me-scary. Would you like me to give you a list of all the kinds? I can show you charts and diagrams.  
  
"AHAHAHAHAHA!!! CHUNKY CHICKEN CHILDREN!"  
  
That. Is. Not. Right.  
  
Oh dear Ra, now he's chasing a kid on a tricycle and it looks like the kid's having a seizure/heart attack! Strange...  
  
It seems that the kid has fainted and the fool decides to poke his pointy head on a fence. Very strange. And I thought I was the telepath.  
  
Uh-oh, I think he notices me. Turning around slowly, I try to walk away, but he screams, "BAKURA!!"  
  
(Malik Rant # 2. Or is it 3? ...7? Anyway..watch what happens when Malik thinks a little too much about himself.)  
  
I am NOT Bakura!! Why do people keep thinking I'm Bakura? I don't even look like him. Much. If people are colorblind, maybe, but come on!! I have beached blonde hair and he has...white. Like, "No!! I fell into a tub of white-out!" kind of white. And I am obviously much smarter, and talented..and funny! And adorable, and pretty, and-  
  
..................I didn't just say that, you know.  
  
Aaaaahh!! What in the hell is that? Oh gods, he can poke out someone's eyes with that hair of his. Come to think of it, he looks like this unicorn, just more deformed and..unnatural.  
  
Very, very deformed and unnatural.  
  
He comes up to me and says, "Hey, how are ya, buddy? See any good movies, lately? I think there was this one time I-"  
  
Zoning out..So bored..can't focus...can't..  
  
"Hey, you're not Bakura!" Took him long enough.  
  
"AAHHH!!! IT'S A PSYCHOPATH FREAK!! HELP ME, MOMMY!!"  
  
I beg his pardon? Er..actually I don't. Ahem, anyway..  
  
"How dare you call the great Malik Ishtar a freak!! I might be a psychopath but I am most certainly not a freak!"  
  
"Aaaahhh!! It talks!!" o.O Right..moron.  
  
Daaaammnnn, his hair is point-y!! I bet he uses that as a weapon.  
  
Wait...  
  
"AAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RUN AWAY!!!!!" 


	9. 9 Old Guy and Other Random Characters

Sorry I haven't updated in almost two weeks!! One week, I went on a cruise, and this week, I've been lazy. Sorry! Anyway, I'll try to update more now.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!!  
  
This chapter is pointless.  
  
Chapter 9-Old guy and other Yu-Gi-Oh characters  
  
Ah...Sitting in the park again..It's too early for this. What am I doing here anyway? Oh well. zZzZz....  
  
= an hour later =  
  
"Hey little dude.."  
  
"I'm not a little dude!!" I attack the offender, only to find out it's no one I know.  
  
What the heck? It's an old wrinkly guy in a gray jump-suit...Aaaaaaahhh!! My eyes!!! They burn!!!!  
  
The evil ugly guy says, "When you're my age, everyone's a little dude, little dude!"  
  
...Yeah, that's true.  
  
He relaxes and starts to talk to me. "Anyway, you little dudes these days should be exercising, not sitting around like me. Look at how happy those kids are over there........."  
  
He points to Tea and Tristan getting run over by a bulldozer.  
  
"...and how tranquil the water is..."  
  
BAM!! I see Bakura angrily throw a chair with Ryou on it into lake.  
  
"...and how peaceful the animals are..."  
  
Some random squirrels run by being chased by a sugar-high Marik and Yami is trying to stop him.  
  
"....and-"  
  
"SHUT UP!!!!"  
  
"Be calm, little dude!! Anyway, let's talk about the presidents..."  
  
What kind of topic is that?  
  
"You know Ulysses Simpson Grant, his original name was Hiram Ulysses Grant, and then..."  
  
Zoning out..can't focus...must...  
  
Hey, wait, if his original name was Hiram Ulysses Grant, that must mean that his initials spelt H.U.G., and if he needed to use his initial under a letter to another president they were having a war with...And he was writing a peace treaty. He would've wrote something like, "-and I hope we could work out our differences and stop this war. Signed, Hiram Ulysses Grant. H.U.G." That must've been embarrassing. The other president would be all like, "What the heck is with this guy? I don't wanna hug him! The war goes on!!" Heh, disaster initials.  
  
"and that is how the whale became the "Majestic animal of the sea."  
  
Whaaaa....?  
  
"Anyway, ooh, here comes another little dude to talk to!"  
  
Mokuba comes running up to us followed by a pissed-off Seto Kaiba.  
  
"Hey, Malik!! What are you doing here?"  
  
I shrug and he goes on, "Big brother brought me here because I wanted to because I thought it would be fun because..."  
  
Kaiba comes up behind Mokuba and sees the old guy.  
  
"YOU!!!"  
  
"Why, hello little dude, long time no see!"  
  
"Don't call me little dude, you...you...senior!"  
  
Gee, that was so intimidating. Great insult, Kaiba!  
  
"You will not talk to me ever again!"  
  
"Now, what kind of attitude is that, little dude? Get with the groove on, yeah!"  
  
He gets up next to Kaiba and starts to dance next to him. Oh, this is entertaining.  
  
"AAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Oh yeah, get the groove on, baby!!"  
  
O.O Not entertaining anymore.  
  
Mokuba finally decides to speak up. "Yeah! Dance, big brother!" He moves next to the old guy and starts to dance, too.  
  
My eyes!! They burn!!  
  
"Come on, little dude, you gotta get with the beat!"  
  
"NEVER!! AND STOP CALLING ME LITTLE DUDE!!!!" He's finally snapped. Running off into the distance, he's screams, "BOOOGIE WOOOOGIE!!" and runs off with Mokuba chasing after him, yelling, "Come back big brother!! We're not done yet!!!"  
  
The old guy sits back down next to me. "Well, that was fun while it lasted." I scoot over a little...just in case.  
  
"Hey, what's that little dude doing in there?"  
  
I look over where he's pointing and I see Mako Tsunami with a fishing spear swimming around in the lake. That is just...strange. Isn't he supposed to be in the ocean or sea or whatever?  
  
For some reason, he decides to stop swimming and runs over to us.  
  
"Greetings, my friends, what brings you to this great water of the oceans?"  
  
"Er...Mako, in case you haven't noticed, this is a lake, and we're not your friends. Especially not me."  
  
"...Then you must be a foe!" He gets out a 2 miniature water gun and starts to spray it at our hair. "Beware of the great and mighty sea! For you will succumb to its great power!"  
  
...  
  
The old guy next to me starts bowing down to him. "I succumb to the great sea!!!"  
  
O.o You have got to be kidding me.  
  
"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! YES, THE SEA, IT RULES ALL!!!!"  
  
"Oh please..."  
  
"You dare defy the sea?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
He gets this weird look all over his face and starts to run to the lake again. "I WILL RETURN!!" Mako jumps in, splashing random people around the lake.  
  
Pegasus, who was fishing on the side, says, "Hey, you wetted my beautiful body!  
  
Oh dear Ra, I think I'm going to puke.  
  
"Anyway, little dude..."  
  
That's getting VERY annoying.  
  
"...name two things that Thomas Jefferson invented."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"..."  
  
"Ok, er...pillows and wooden turtles."  
  
"Nice try, little dude! Two of Thomas Jefferson's many inventions are electricity and the rolly chair thingy. I should know. I was there when he invented it!"  
  
O_______________O How old is this guy?  
  
He then walks in front of me and puts his hands on my shoulder. Grinning like he has mad cow disease, he says, "It's been great talking to you, littl-"  
  
The old guy falls on the floor and starts twitching in random places.  
  
...  
  
I hear Yugi screaming, "MALIK!! WHAT DID YOU DO!!??!?"  
  
Time to run away. 


	10. Chapter 10 Yugi

Oh, I thank all you people for your reviews!! Just telling, but I don't really write these chapters out of ideas I've had previously, just thinking up stuff as I go along. ^_^ And later...there will be Mokuba, Duke, Kaiba, Serenity, Isis, Mai, and a surprise character. Some will be bashed, but others will be spared from the great Malik Ishtar!! Future ruler of this pathetic mortal planet!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
*ahem* anyway...on with the chappy!  
  
And I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!!  
  
Chapter 10-Yugi  
  
Hm...at least this won't be as bad as Yami. Walking into the game shop, his grandpa greets me...sorta.  
  
"Why, hello Ryou."  
  
...Do these people not REALIZE that I am Malik? Pathetic people!! AAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHH, THEY WILL PAY!!!  
  
"Yugi's upstairs, go right ahead."  
  
"...ok."  
  
Why did Marik tell me to go here anyway? Oh yeah...so that he would get a job and stop mooching me from my food. -.- Why do I always end up doing his stupid dares?  
  
Opening the door to Yugi's room, I see his back is turned to me and is currently eating something. Strange...Hm, he seems to be mumbling to himself. One time, I saw Isis mumbling to herself about bras and I got scared. I thought she was going to capture me with a bra or something, I'm all like, "oh no!" After that, she did the happy dance on the bed, and then tried on different bras while still wearing her clothes. My mind was mentally scarred after that scene.  
  
"Sugar...yum...haha..."  
  
o.O Beware the crazed-  
  
OH DEAR RA!!! HE SAW ME!!!  
  
"HEEEEEEY MALIK!! WAZZUP?!"  
  
"...the sky."  
  
"CORRECT!! Here, have some sugar!"  
  
"Er...sure, why not?"  
  
~ 2 minutes later ~  
  
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"  
  
"BWUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"  
  
"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"  
  
"hic."  
  
Ahahahahaha, there's a tingly feeling in my head, I wonder what that is. Hm...what is he doing now? Aaaaahhhh, the Eminem song, without me, but it has no words...just sound. (I don't own Eminem!!) What good does that do?  
  
Yugi hands me a microphone and says to work with him. Um...okeydokeywhatever.  
  
"You know, Yugi, I'm surprised nobody called you the midget with the lethal hair of doooooooooom yet..."  
  
SCARY YUGI GLARE!!!  
  
~ 5 seconds later ~  
  
Remember this important rule of life....never make fun of Yugi's size....Now lemme just sizzle...  
  
Gods...pain in rib cage...or spine...or abdomen!!  
  
...forget I said that.  
  
"YUGI MUTO!! REAL NAME, NO GIMMICKS!!"  
  
...hey, this could actually be fun...I got dibs on Yami!  
  
(complete caps are Yugi's)  
  
"Two royal palace guards go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside..."  
  
"TWO ROYAL PALACE GUARDS GO ROUND THE OUTSIDE, ROUND THE OUTSIDE, ROUND THE OUTSIDE!!"  
  
o.O "Guess who's back, back again, Yami's back, tell a friend."  
  
I hear some random people outside singing. Both of us walk outside to see what's going on, only to find a mob of Eminem fans singing our song.  
  
"Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back..."  
  
Cool!! This is gonna be a lot of fun!! I start to sing the song at the top of my head that I created a long time ago for Eminem. What!? I have a lot of extra time!  
  
"I've created a duel monster, cause nobody wants to see Pegasus no more, they want Yami, I'm chopped liva well if you want yami, then this is what I'll give ya a litter bit of Yugi mixed with the puzzle's flicker some God cards that'll jumpstart your heart quicker than a shock when i get shocked at the shadow realm by the monsters when I'm not cooperatin I'm rockin the duel board while they're operatin you waited this long to stop debatin well, I'm back; I'm on the rag and double duelin! i know that you got a job, Mr Kaiba, but your brother's deck problem is complicatin so the dmc won't let me be or let me be me so let me see they tried to shut me down on kids wb but it feels so empty without me! so come on dip, bum on your lips, jump back, jiggle your hip, and wiggle a bit and get ready cause this is about to get heavy, i just settled all my priests, so 'Fuck you, serenity!!'"  
  
Everybody else starts singing, including Yugi. I wonder where they got the verses...  
  
"NOW THIS LOOKS LIKE A DUEL FOR ME, SO EVERYBODY JUST OBEY ME, CAUSE WE NEED A LITTLE CONTROVERSY, CAUSE IT FEELS SO EMPTY WITHOUT ME!!!!"  
  
I never knew I'd have so much fun with the pharaoh's light. This is what happens when innocent people get sugar high!! Wahahahaha...  
  
It reminds me of the time when Ryou got sugar, he started acting like his yami. Instead of taking over the world, though, he attempted to take over the mall. Something about furniture needing better recognition or shit...  
  
Also, one time, Mokuba got sugar and erased almost everything on his brother's hard drives....but he had backup stuff so it doesn't matter. Damn Kaiba and his organization.... -.-  
  
Another person I remember was Isis who got sugar for the first time. She just stood there. And waited. And waited. And waited longer....and then she made tea. She's a scary lady...  
  
WHOA, SHIT!!!  
  
This crowd just threw me up in the air and is carrying me away!!  
  
...awesome!! ^__^  
  
"WHOOOO!!!! FUCK YOU MALIK!!!!"  
  
Did Yugi just...oh well. It turns out that it's dinnertime already and I must be getting home for food!! Conveniently, the crowd drops me off at my house and walk away waving their hands in the air like there's something there they're trying to grab. Yugi lives around very strange people....very strange indeed...  
  
Marik comes out of the house and smirks. "So how terrible was the pharaoh's hikari's house?"  
  
I just grin and sing, "Now this looks like a job for me, so everybody, just obey me, cause we need a little, controversy, cause it feels so empty without meh!!"  
  
He stares at me that creepy way again that he hasn't stared for a few chapters. I hate that stare.  
  
I dance all the way up to my room while still singing and my yami still staring.  
  
"I said this looks like a duel for me, so everybody, just obey me, cause we need a little controversy, cause it feels so empty without MEH!!!"  
  
@ @ @  
  
If you want to have the next verse, just say so in your review and gimme your e-mail. I'm not done with the last verse, though, so you're going to have to wait until I think of it. The reason this chapter took so long to get out is because I was trying to think of the verses. Sorry! ^_^;; 


	11. Chapter 11 Pegasus and Pegasus bashings!

HEY!! It's almost 100 reviews, and just to let you know, when it DOES get to 100, the 100-105th reviewer will get to bash ANY one of the characters on Yu-Gi-Oh they want, but you have to tell me how you want them to be bashed. (Disclaimer-don't own Yu-Gi-Oh...yet)  
  
Malik: 'Cept me!! ^_^  
  
...Yeah, 'cept him. E-mail me or something, that's probably easier than saying so in your review. I'll give a message about who are the 5 reviewers in one of the next few chapters, and you'll be asked to think of someone to bash and how to bash 'em.  
  
Malik: *gets out chainsaw and superglue* Anyone want to use these?  
  
o.o;  
  
*coughs* Anyway, it'll be known as the Character Bashing Chappie, okey dokey?  
  
Chapter 11-Pegasus  
  
GROAN!!! Isis, stupid Isis, wants me to be a psychiatrist! How can I, me of all people, be a psychiatrist?! What'd I do to deserve this?! Was it because I bashed my psychiatrist's head on the marble table? It was a very nice table! Or is it because I threatened to send him to the Shadow Realm? Maybe it's cause I put white out in his sandwich....  
  
...anyway...  
  
WHAT'D I DO TO DESERVE THIS!?!? Sob, and cry, and shit...  
  
"Little brother...Malik...my Millennium Necklace predicts that you will be leaving in 3 minutes to go to do something that will change the lives of many..."  
  
Anubis, what is with these predictions!? It's the friggin' most obvious thing ever!  
  
"Anyway, Malik, your patient today will be Pegasu-"  
  
"WHAT?!!? NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUU, YOU CAN DO THIS TO MEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"...I just did, now get in the car."  
  
Stupid sister.STUPID PEGASUS!! Stupid flying horse...from Greek mythology...stupid Romans...conquering Egypt...  
  
"STUPID DIVERSE SPECIES OF THE ZOO!!!!"  
  
"..."  
  
Oh no, not the look, stop giving me the look!!!  
  
Oh, good, Isis just goes back to driving. What is with the look that people keep giving me!? Do they think I'm crazy or something? Cause I'm not!!  
  
.....ok, maybe a little...but not that much!!  
  
Or do I have something on my face?  
  
"Isis, do I have something on my face?"  
  
"You have eyes, a nose, and a VERY big mouth," says the wise one of the necklace.  
  
"Oh, ok," says the even wiser one of the rod...  
  
"..."  
  
Wait, did I just say rod? ...ok, I didn't mean that, screw what I just said!! ...not literally, of course.  
  
.........I think I just made a pun....a very bad one...ah well.  
  
"ok, Malik, we're here!"  
  
"What do I have to do...exactly?"  
  
"You have to nod your head, ask personal questions, and say, mhm a lot. Also, ask, "and how long have you been having this problem?" multiple times."  
  
"...ok."  
  
"Basically, just nod a lot, say, "How do you feel about that?" ask them that question, and most importantly, show them blurry ink splatters."  
  
O.O "ok...but when you say, personal questions, you mean I can ask how many batteries have they consumed?"  
  
She look all happy and says, "OK OFF YOU GO TO YOUR JOB OF THE DAY!!" without answering my question.  
  
I walk outside the car and am about to say 'bye' when she speeds off.  
  
...but I didn't get a chance to ask for when she was going to pick me up! O.o uh-oh.  
  
Erm...o well, whatever. I walk into the huge shiny building and go inside my room. How I know that that is my room...even I do not know such trivial questions. Ahahahaha...I said a big word!  
  
Anyway, I wait for my "patient" to come in.  
  
Waiting...  
  
And waiting...  
  
"DING"  
  
Oh, what joy, he's here....you can just feel the sarcasm in my voice. Yay, another big word!! I'm getting smmmaarrttt....  
  
"Greetings, Mal-boy!"  
  
...wha?  
  
"It's such an honor to have the villain of the second season be my psychiatrist!!"  
  
"But I'm not a villain!! I'm just confused!!"  
  
"I know, I'm confused, too." He then smiles all happy. Do I have a feeling this guy went gay over his loss of his wife? Does his wife know that he's gay? Cause my brain just hurts right now..  
  
Anyway, I bought these pills, they had the words, "caution, do not turn upside down" on the bottom, but it was too late, cause I read it on the bottom of the bottle. So then, when I turned the thing back to its normal ...erm...place, it exploded. It made this huge farting noise, without the stink, and then the whole room blew up. Then, I forgot what happened after that cause I blacked out from the strong smell of paint...  
  
Now...what'd Isis tell me about being a psychiatrist?  
  
...Oh yeah!!  
  
"And after my wife died, it just all fell apart after that..."  
  
"And how do you feel about that?"  
  
"Depressed and blood-craving, of course."  
  
"How long have you been having this problem?"  
  
"...since my wife died."  
  
"and how do you feel about that?"  
  
"O.o Depressed and blood-craving..."  
  
I nod like I'm supposed to and take down some notes.  
  
Actually, I'm drawing little doodles of how the malted milk balls were invented.  
  
"And then when I tried to hurt Yugi-boy, they said I was bad...and bad is bad, and good is better, but still bad because it's not the best, so I'm bad because being me, which is bad, is a bad thing....."  
  
"...and how long have you been having this problem?"  
  
"A few years...? I dunno..."  
  
"IT'S ONLY BEEN A FEW YEARS, AND YOU COME CRYING TO ME, OF ALL PEOPLE!??!? YOU DARE QUESTION THE GREAT MALIK ISHTAR FOR YOUR PITIFUL MORTAL PROBLEMS!?!?!? IF IT WAS A LONG AGO ANCIENT PROBLEM THAT YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOLVED FOR THE FATE OF THE WORLD, THEN MAYBE I WOULD'VE HELPED, BUT YOU HAVE TO BE SO BOOOORIINGG!!!!"  
  
He starts to cry and says, "You're being mean...."  
  
"And how long have you been having this problem?"  
  
He's doing the stare!! Oh gawds, he's just like Isis!! And...Ryou...and Bakura...and Marik....aw, poo.  
  
"Ahem....."  
  
Oh, oh right. Inky splatters. I-yes me, I am an important person-get out pieces of paper and an ink pen and starts to make many splotches of ink.  
  
"Ok, what does this look like?" I hold up a picture of a muffin shaper ink blotch.  
  
"POWER!!"  
  
"....power doesn't come from a muffin, fool...."  
  
"How about this?" Holding up a wiggly thing.  
  
"My Millennium Eye!!"  
  
"It's round, smartass..." Now, I hold up this very ugly thing that looks like a frog.  
  
"Cecilia, my beloved!!"  
  
"Wow..."  
  
"I know, isn't she beau-"  
  
"Your wife is uuggglllyyy!!!"  
  
"..."  
  
Oh no, he's hostile!! Whatever that means...  
  
~ a while later ~  
  
"What about this?" (a picture of a donut)  
  
"My breakfast."  
  
"Ok, you're done, get out of here."  
  
"But I still have things to tell you!"  
  
Time to use my great words of wisdom. "Pegasus, I have some great words of wisdom to tell you...."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
I say as nicely as I can, "We all have problems...."  
  
"Um...."  
  
"BUT YOU HAVE SERIOUS ISSUES!!! GET OUT!!!!!!!!" I throw a boot at him, and he 'eep's and runs out on tiptoes.  
  
Ah...done for the day...I am such a good psychiatrist!! I walk out of the big building and see Isis already waiting for me.  
  
"Why did Pegasus just run out screaming like a little girl?"  
  
"Cause I am such a good psychiatrist!!" ^__^  
  
"..." 


	12. Chapter 12 Duke

Ok, ok, it's even closer to 100!! Just 14 more. Who will be the 5 people that get to bash he characters mercilessly? And yah, you can use anything you want. Even if you want to do it to one of my favorite characters, I don't mind, cause it's for the fans, hehehe...

Now, let's get this party started!

Oh, and before I forget, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. Yes, this is the disclaimer. The disclaimer is this. It's here. The disclaimer.

This is sort of Duke bashing, but not really, so....oh well.

Chapter 12-Duke

Why do I always SOMEHOW end up doing things for people? Isis, Yami, Ryou, and my own YAMI!!! Stupid people bossing me around...like some kind of ...being bossed-around person!!

And NOW Yugi's grandpa wants me to get the Dungeon Dice Monsters game for Yugi as a present!! Why am I doing things for an old guy? HUH?

......I'm talking to myself again, huh?

Oh look, it's the oh-so-huge, show offy place of Duke Devlin. How the heck did they get 'Duke Devlin' from Ryuuji Otogi? I don't get it, is Otogi too pg-13 for kids or something? Stupid dubbers...they made Rishid's name Odion. Oooddioon...it sounds like a new planet....And they made my sister not a goddess anymore!! ...not that I mind...but it sounds so nasty. Ishizu is sooo much harder to pronounce than Isis, which makes the "it's too hard to pronounce" excuse invalid.

I learned harder words! Actually, I just listened to Yami's speech for a while about how I should stop terrorizing my psychiatrist because it's how I got the job. So....boring. How come Yami gets to keep his name? How'd they get Tea from Anzu? And Tristan from Honda? ...Honda's a car!! O.O AN unbelievably old and cheap one...

Haha, I'm a king, I'm...an Arabic king...

Forget I said that.

Erm....where am I? What was I doing? Am I a telemarketer?

Oh yeah, game, grandpa, puzzle....pharaoh, power, God cards, The Winged Dragon of Ra...mine....all mine...my precious....They took my precious, they took it away from me...It was mine... (I don't own Lord of the Rings. XD)

AHHHH!!! THERE'S A VOICE!! A VOICE IN MY HEAD!!

Oh wait, that's just my yami.

This is the first time I'll be using the Hikari talk to yami thing.

Sorry I didn't mention this earlier.

/hi/ - Hikari to yami

shut up - yami to Hikari

You fool!! Shut up and get going, you're supposed to be getting the game for the old man!

/Well, you're supposed to get a job!!/

Shut up, I refuse because I am the great yami and I can refuse anything because yami I am of you, the Hikari, who is not the yami, and because I am the yami, I can refuse to do things that Hikari's cannot refuse to do, for I am YAMI!!!

/uhuh.../

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA and he cuts off the link. Why did I end up with the crazy one? Bakura's not as talkative as he is!

Oh Ra, Duke is coming, and he looks like a GIRL!!! He's wearing those dice earrings and the vest and....wait, he always wears that...never mind.

"Hello, Ryou, what brings you here?"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! IDIOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHHHHAAAA, I DO NOT LOOK LIKE RYOU!!

I run around in circles screaming bloody murder, and I can just FEEL the stare that duke is doing!! Everybody attacks me with that stare, I am NOT crazy!!

"Um....Ryou, what is wrong?"

"I AM NOT RYOU!! I AM THE GREAT AND ALL POWERFUL DURACELL BATTERY!!"

"...you're Marik, right?"

"MALIK!!"

"Ka-boom."

Oo; eh?

He starts to roll around on the floor laughing like crazy. Man, this guy is weirder than me, and that is really saying something.

"Hey..." I poke him.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

...poke....

"Ok, anyway, what'd you come here for?"

"I need your stupid dice game."

He gasps and says, "YOU PLAN TO TAKE OVER MY GAME!"

"No...I want to get one for Yugi because his grandpa said so and why I listened I do not know..."

Man, this guy is annoying. Just give me the friggin game! He's more than the annoying old guy!

Flashback

(wavy thing appears when somebody is trying to do a flashback)

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

(Wavy thing stops)

I kick Duke. "Will you shut up!? I'm trying to do the wavy thing here!"

"Oh, ok, sorry."

-.-;

Flashback, again

(wavy thing)

"Oh yeah, get the groove on, baby!!"

O.O Not entertaining anymore.

Mokuba finally decides to speak up. "Yeah! Dance, big brother!" He moves next to the old guy and starts to dance, too.

My eyes!! They burn!!

"Come on, little dude, you gotta get with the beat!"

"NEVER!! AND STOP CALLING ME LITTLE DUDE!!!!" He's finally snapped. Running off into the distance, he's screams, "BOOOGIE WOOOOGIE!!" and runs off with Mokuba chasing after him, yelling, "Come back, big brother!!" We're not done yet!!!"

(wavy thing)

End flashback

"Ok...so he's not as worse as the old guy."

"Don't yet?"

"Yeah...Now gimme the dice game."

"Why?"

"Cause."

"Cause why?"

"Cause cause."

"Cause cause why?"

"CAUSE CAUSE CAUSE I SAID SO!!"

"Ok! "

Groan....

I get out my Rod and point it in his face.

...The MILLENNIUM Rod, ok?

"O.O" He gives me the game and walks up to me.

"I love you," he says.

"I love you too!"

We hug each other and make out on the floor.

HAHA!! GOT YOU GOOD!! And you are soo easy to trick. I would never do that, that's just...nasty. And...EW, like, shit fucking ew.

...EEWWWW!!!

Ok, here's what actually happened.

"AAAAHHHH!!!! POINTY THING OF DOOOM!!!" and he runs away screaming.

Yeah, another successful mission. I salute to this random guy that walks by and leave the building.

Oh yeah, it sounds so official....I leave the building. giggle

Erm....anyway..yeah.

...END THIS FUCKING CHAPTER!!

Um...end.


	13. 13 Malik Turns into Random Objects P1

Here it is, the chapter of nonsense and random objects, and for those of you who want to know, I've completely finished the whole Eminem "Without Me" song into YuGiOh version. Don't own Eminem or YuGiOh.  
  
Chapter 13-Malik Turns into Random Objects  
  
Mhm, my life is boring, this is boring, everything is boring, I wanna do something, this is boring, I'm bored, is there nothing to do? Cause I'm bored as heck of boredom. There must be something to do around here, there usually is, but the boredness of this bored in my room being alone and bored with no one to bother because I am bored with my grammar problems and bored.  
  
...so bored...  
  
AHHH!!! OH RA, WHAT THE BAJEEBIES WAS THAT SOUND?  
  
"Greetings, Malik Ishtar. I am Shadi, and I have come to....."  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING AT MY HOUSE WITH YOUR CHEAP SMOKE THAT YOU GOT A FRIGGIN GARAGE SALE, YOU DEATH SENTENCE BRINGER!?!"  
  
"Ahem, I have come to punish you for-"  
  
"NOOOO!!!"  
  
"....because you took-"  
  
"NOOOOOO!!!"  
  
"...the Millennium Rod from-"  
  
"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"...Kaiba."  
  
"Oh, ok."  
  
Is that all? I stole the stupid Millennium Rod? He can't do that bad stuff to me for stealing, Bakura does it all the time...  
  
"You must turn into random objects every 10 minutes!!" He makes the scary hand wiggling magical moment motion thingy. "WhoooOoooOOooooo!!"  
  
"..."  
  
Man, he's cheap. -.-  
  
"I will now take my dramatic leave." Shadi flings his turban around and is about to use his "magical" smoke to disappear when he trips on his feet and falls on the floor. Then, he just walks out.  
  
...Yeah, he's very cheap.  
  
-.- What was I doing again? Oh yeah.  
  
Bored of boredomness because bored is not busy because busy is not bored and boredom of this house is the boredest bored of the bored planet of boredmabobs....  
  
*poof*  
  
...Where am I? _ What am I? _ Hm...  
  
I'm a pickle?? I HATE PICKLES!  
  
Ahh, I'm on Joey's plate! Ignore the squeaky shiny green pickle on your plate! I am not here, I do not belong here!  
  
Oh no, he's picking me up. He's about to eat me!  
  
"STOP!!"  
  
"Hey, did my pickle just talk to me?"  
  
Hm...this could be interesting.  
  
"Yes, I am the almighty pickley of great power and relish! Behold my pickle powers!"  
  
"AHH!! CURSED PICKLE!"  
  
"Ok...anyway, behold!"  
  
"Wha happened?"  
  
"because."  
  
"NOOO!!"  
  
Yay, he's now scared of me, the pickle! He starts bowing down to the great fruit of the sour people. Wait, are pickles fruits or vegetables? I'm pretty sure they're a vegetable, but they look like fruit to me. And potatoes are fruits and vegetables, scientific-ficc-fically...  
  
"But I'm still hungry!" Joey picks me up and is about to eat me.  
  
"NUUU!!!!!!"  
  
*poof*  
  
This is strange.....There's something wooden behind me and I'm up in the air a few feet up the ground.....what am I this time-  
  
Ahhh!! I'm swinging back and forth while hitting the wooden thing behind me!! What the heck is happening?  
  
I hear Bakura's voice. O.o  
  
"Damn Ryou, never around when I'm bored, left me with a stupid paddleball, stupid people. There's not even anything to watch on TV, just the lame news....."  
  
Never knew he talked to himself....  
  
Damn, he's hitting me again! Why'd I have to be a paddleball? Why'd I have to be the ball? Why can't I be the paddle? Freak it!  
  
*poof*  
  
@ @ @  
  
To be continued tomorrow if my internet is working at that time. 


	14. 14 Malik Turns into Random Objects P2

This is the first, and hopefully, only time, I'll be replying to reviewer's questions and such on ff.net instead of yahoo mail, but takes too much time, so I might as well type it all.  
  
Red*- He doesn't get paid for the psychiatrist thing cause it was punishment, sad isn't it?  
  
Yesim@-flamesofeternaldarkness - Sorry, I had to bash Duke/Otogi!! People wanted me to, after all.....  
  
Maho Shojo - Thanks, I'll use him if I need to. I'll probably use it for one of my 'random chapter' things...like that old guy.  
  
Blood Shed Red - Yeah, I know Egyptians speak Arabic, but he's not actually Arabic. So...yeah. O.o  
  
Ok...I think that's all the questions or stuff I wanna say. I think...do I think? Cause I think I do. Wait....  
  
And I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! Cause if I did, I would make Malik chew walnuts all day. XD  
  
@ @ @  
  
Chapter 14-Malik Turns into Random Objects P2  
  
...I feel fluffy and soft. Kinda like a...  
  
I'M A PLUSHIE!! Wait...I'm a plushie of myself? Whadda....there are other plushies here, too. A row of them.  
  
Yami, Yugi, Ryou, Bakura, Marik, and...NOOO, IT'S TEA!!  
  
Suddenly, the other plushies come to life and start to march towards it. ('It' is tea)  
  
What is happening here? Why I am I a plushie? Why are there other plushies here that have come to life? Why are they torturing it? Not that I mind, where am I? But most importantly...  
  
What's for lunch!?  
  
Erm...I mean how long is it until I change again? Ehe....  
  
Ah well. I get out a flamethrower and march with the other plushies towards the evil thing of pink. Did that rhyme or not? I can't really tell. Because I fell. Down a well. Wearing a belt. Eating a shell. Um...and kelp. And I fell deep into hell!! Yeah, who rules? I do. Uhuh.  
  
BURN EVIL THING OF PINK!!! BURN SO BAD!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I AM RULER OF THE FLAMETHROWER!!  
  
*poof*  
  
...Poo!! Poo, I say!  
  
But wait, what is this? I am still furry! But this is real fur....why am I in a tree? This is so unfair! Shadi never said I was supposed to go to different places, what if I end up as a rock in Africa?!?!?!?  
  
...Eh, that can never happen. Anyways, the analyses...I am in a tree. I have fur. I have the biggest urge to bite someone's head off. This must mean that I am....A RABID CHIPMUNK WITH FUURRR!!!!!!  
  
Now to look for victims...Running stealthily upon my tree, I will now seek out my vic-  
  
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
I'm falling from the dreaded tree!!!  
  
Which reminds me, how do trees give off oxygen? They have the whole photosynthesis with the thing from the flowers and flowers being self- reproducing, and then how their seeds float with the wind from matters of inertia...  
  
And then inertia is a measure of mass and that means that it just defines laziness cause we have inertia too. When we're sleeping, we want to keep sleeping, and when we're playing a game, we want to keep playing it, but when we do something we don't like, the force is causing it to go back and make us do something us, just like inertia. Or was it weight....water displacement?  
  
Oh, must attack old guy I see!! This is the same park that I met the old guy at!! And what is this? Yami is talking to the old guy. He seems happy for some reason...but I have the biggest urge to bite off all their heads...  
  
Yes, bite them all off!! Destroy them all!!!!  
  
*poof*  
  
ANNUUBBIISSS IT IS COLD!!  
  
Must be because....because I'm an ice cube. Cool, I'm an ice cube!! Er...no pun intended. Ehehehe.....  
  
And then there was spring mountain water. How do they get the water from mountains anyway? I never seen any springs that were safe to drink from. Does the ice from a mountain melt to form springs or something else?  
  
Hey...  
  
Stop, stop poking me. Tch, stop it! Stop with the poking!! GAHH!! What's with all the pokiness? What's wrong with you!? Stop poking me, you poking thingy!! I will never poke ice again!! Now I know how they feel and the torment and angst they go through!! Nuuuuuu!!!! This is evil, pure evil!!  
  
...STOP WITH THE POKING!  
  
*poof*  
  
I'm an axe!! Of all things, I had to be an axe!!  
  
That's strange, I see this overly decorated pink house with a lot of fluffy bunnies and pink hearts everywhere. That can't be good. Wait, that must mean that...  
  
I'M AT THE THING'S HOUSE!!!  
  
This is hell, hell I say! But wait...I'm an axe, so I can cause bodily destruction! First, to seek out the offender.  
  
...I see it. She is.....painting...her whole deck...with pink paint!!!  
  
SHE'S A DECK MURDERER!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh, freak it all! I go in for...bumbumbum, the kill!  
  
OH GODS!! SOMEONE HELP ME!! SHE'S TRYING TO HUG ME, THE AXE!!!  
  
*poof*  
  
The gods have mercy to me!!  
  
Wait, I'm a....this cannot be!! I'm a fwuffy bunny...er, I mean rabbit. Oo;  
  
No, wait, I'm not a rabbit!! I'm just a really, really, really big rat!! Ahahahaha....  
  
\You, my very lame Hikari, is in denial.\  
  
/HEY, YOU SHUT UP! /  
  
\You're stupid, too.\  
  
/...I'm not stupid. /  
  
Damn Marik, I'm not stupid! I try hard enough in school.....  
  
\I can read your mind, smartass!!! You got an F- - - - - - on your last test! \  
  
/I copied off Bakura! /  
  
\.........cheater...Wait....\  
  
o.0; I don't get the point of this conversation.  
  
\I'M SO PROUD!! MY HIKARI IS FINALLY A CHEATER AND AN IDIOT AT THE SAME TIME!!!!\  
  
...I'm not an idiot!!  
  
\That's what all idiots say...because....i said it too. -.-\  
  
/moron. /  
  
\AT LEAST I ADMIT IT!! But you...are in denial.\  
  
/.../  
  
\DENIAL, DENIAL!! DENIALDENIALDENIAL!!\  
  
/...next time I look off Ryou's sheet. /  
  
\deenniiall!!\  
  
~___~ he's being weirder than usual.  
  
/Well, your voice changed!! It sounds all low and conceited, you fool! /  
  
\denial, denial! \ Then, he giggles and closes the link.  
  
Uhuh...  
  
*poof*  
  
Groan, this better be the last one. Wait...  
  
I'M A ROCK IN AFRICA!!!!!!!!! X____x  
  
@ @ @  
  
And by the way, the winners that get to bash the characters are:  
  
1) Dark Demon Angel 2) Maho Shojo 3) Kayu 4) TenshiNo Bakura-kun 5) Red*  
  
And the runner-ups (yes, I do have those, who would've guessed, eh?) are:  
  
Blood Shed Red Rose-White BishounenzAngel Chaotic Vampire Goddess Ranma Higurashi  
  
Sorry this took so friggin' long!! My computer wouldn't let me login! ....grrr!!!  
  
Will the first 5 winners please e-mail me at malik_ishtar67@yahoo.com and tell me EXACTLY how you want the people to be bashed? Reply within the next 2 weeks starting October 10 and ending at October 21. Thank you, and I apolugize for speling ani names rong. *nodnod* 


	15. Chapter 15 Noah Kaiba

So I'm putting a new chapter out before the bashing.........I can't be waiting any longer!! XD here's Noah. It shall be confusing.  
  
And I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!!  
  
Chapter 15-Noah Kaiba (hey that rhymes!)  
  
So this is the Kaiba mansion.........it huge. O.o So much bigger than that cat down the street. Bakura is such a liar!!  
  
flashback  
  
Bakura: Say...slippery slow salads!!  
  
Malik: Why should I? You were supposed to buy that little whale puppet that I liked..........  
  
Bakura: Cause great financing gifts help the economy.  
  
Malik: No..........  
  
Bakura: Then feel my wrath!!!! goes to sleep and wakes back up ......... holds up a four-leaf clover ......... goes back to sleep  
  
Malik: takes four-leaf clover o.o;; four-leaf clover turns different colors and then blows up in Malik's face  
  
Bakura: subconsciously click a remote and hair disappears and then grows back too much...........pencil shavings......... snores while standing up  
  
Malik: .........  
  
end flashback  
  
.................................Hey, it's Kaiba's mansion!! Wow, that's big. It's almost as big as...........  
  
Erm.........so what am I doing here? Hey, who are you? I'm in a fanfic? But that's crazy, I can't be in a fanfic because I'm standing right here. You must be crazy. Stop reading my mind and go do something else. Wait, what'd you say? You want to watch Yu-Gi-Oh? But.........how could you watch Yami Yugi like television? You really are crazy.........get out of my mind. Hey, it's Noah!!  
  
"Hey Noah!"  
  
"Hello, Malik."  
  
Noah's such a nice, evil guy like meh. Only..........he's much younger and he is dead. Which is why I can never see him again because he's dead.  
  
.........I think I'm forgetting something.  
  
An hour later   
  
Hold it.........I'm thinking.........  
  
NOAH'S DEAD!!! .........-.- but then that would mean that he- .........I.........where did-  
  
"Why are you just standing there for?"  
  
Ack! He was behind me the whole time.........  
  
"Aren't you dead?"  
  
".........Sh.........I'm here as a ghost for the sake of this fic. "  
  
What fic? Why's he so happy? My head's starting to hurt again. Noah's scary. Why's he named after the guy with the boat and all those animals? Why's his hair blue if that other Noah was an old man with a boat? I used to have a boat.........somewhere. It was made from my dad's hair. Maybe that's why he was so angry at me. Where is my dad anyway?  
  
"Ahem. Anyways, if you would like to play a game, I will set up the Kaiba Mansion as a field. Do you accept?"  
  
How did we suddenly get into gameplay? I don't have time for this, I have an appointment with a few bashers that want my help, so I'll have to find Noah another time to play this game.  
  
"Some other time, I'm going to be busy bashing some people."  
  
"Does that little bitch tea get to be bashed?"  
  
"Of course! I'll make sure personally, even if the people don't want me to bash."  
  
I salute him like many other organized, serious, heroic, people do and walk away. Onwards to victory!!  
  
The part where Malik actually goes into the Kaiba Mansion to play Noah's game will be in my new story, "Onwards to Victory!" Note the last phrase Malik said. XD Well, the adventure won't be continued here, my new story will actually have a plot. For once. In my life. ;; 


	16. 16 Dark Demon Angel P1

Be happy, people! .........I said be happy! I will make you be happy! Malik! Go ahead.  
  
Malik: AHAHAHAHAHA!! FINALLY!! *uses Millennium Rod to control readers and makes them deliriously happy*  
  
Nah, I'm joking, I know I can't do that.  
  
Malik: *doing it anyway*  
  
Ahem.. well, the point is that:  
  
*cheap music starts to play* I'm updating! Da dada, da dum! Also, if you people on the list still want to bash, then that's fine with me. Feel happy, cause Maho Shojo's the one that reviewed, so now I'm in the mood to write again. Sorta. And another thing, I'm going to do each basher in a different chapter, that I am. (ignore the Kenshin talk)  
  
I don't own Rurouni Kenshin, Invader Zim (that Gir quote Malik did), or Yu- Gi-Oh! *cough*butishallsomeday*cough*  
  
Now, after a lot of stupid stuff, let the Tea destroying begin.  
  
Chapter 16- Dark Demon Angel's bashing chapter  
  
It is time to begin the procedure. The patient is brought in under the covers of a hideously deformed leaf. How do leaves have covers? Even I.........the great smartness of Malik Ishtar! Bumbumbum, does not know! Which means this is dangerous business indeed.  
  
Mm.........chocolate.  
  
My genius is clearly unrivaled! Those stupid fools at the asylum think they can handle this? No! But now, let's see how they react when I get.........my own bashing store! People have to pay the right price .........to bash the right people.  
  
"Aaaaaahahahahahahahaha!!!!" wiggle, wiggle.  
  
"Sir!!" A very annoying and show-offy voice says to the great Malik- "We should begin the procedure now!" Who's the annoying voice? The person......that monstrous ......thingy! Ugh, augh, gah!!! Isis.........  
  
I heart a goat squeak!  
  
Well, this must have my complete and total concentration as I wheel the patient, aka victim, into my.........LAB-BoR-a-TORRY!!! Yes! I shall be altogether cool, calm, patient, ready, prepared, smart, genius in fact, concentrated, big attention span thingy, and stuff! Yes, I shall eat goo!  
  
Eat goo is good, I like gooing the eating.  
  
Ah! My room of torture...... it is a beautiful room indeed, with its posters of The Winged Dragon of Ra, my Egyptian decorations, the new water-proof Rare Hunter robes, and especially the rope in the middle of the room tied on the ceiling with a spitfire below. Feelmewrath!!! AAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Oh, my laugh's so beautiful, all evil peoples have to work so hard for their laugh, but no, mine comes naturally, can you say, "Gifted"? Cause I can't, I don't know why, but I can't say gifted right, it sounds like givtid.  
  
Don't laugh at me!! I eat out your brains, shiny person!  
  
Oh, time to reveal the victient!! Ha......Victim patient, get it? Heh, yes I'm a master of comedy. Erughm......Bumbumbum! Tea!! Pronounced, as I found in the dictionary, /tee/. So, due to my extensive knowledge of all words in the entire world, even the murderous language, "English!!", I shall now rule everyone!!! After I get rid of a certain biatch that always comes back to life no matter how many times she gets killed for some strange reason that seems to help all authors of fanfics who bash tee get more tee to kill because we all need someone to let out all our anger on.  
  
Who can read? How about reading this!? "RUN-ON SENTENCE: THEY ARE BAD." Heh, yah, you see how to read that? You don't know!? SHOCK. It's like this. "Talking for extended periods may help repair split ends." Yah, I know I'm smart, I read that on a milk carton once. :)  
  
Hm......it's unconscious......or is it!? Da dumdumdum!! Ok, gotta stop with the music, it's not helping my hearing problem. Gah!! I think it's awake! Stupid piece of shit, staring at me with its ugly, OMRA, it's looking at me! I must burn off my face! No wait, my face is too important to be burned off...... What a dilemma!  
  
Well, that's not important. What is important is getting this thing on the rope without touching it with my beautiful unsoiled fingers, except the occasional blood. But that's not important.  
  
I know how!! "Isis, dearest sister, please assist me in getting this MONSTROSITY to the rope for Dark Demon Angel, for I'm getting paid by a certain person to do this." Hehe, I sound smart. I always sound smart. I'm so proud of myself that I can cry.  
  
I do so, and Isis calls me a baby. I can cry, can't I? Just because I'm proud of myself doesn't mean I'm deprived of the ability to produce eye water. Ha, lookit this. Water is spraying from my mouth like a friggin' fountain. PSsssshhh!! Hehe..  
  
Ok, I admit it that was weird. But hey, it's not like anyone will ever read my thoughts, so now one will EVER know these things that I think to myself. I mean, come on! Can anyway ever know these things in my head? Of course not, they'll never find out anything about lil' ol' me. I'm not old......ok?  
  
Hm......Isis is carrying tee with a really big bed of spikes, like those torture things.. I don't mind. :) Really have to stop with the happy faces......  
  
The contraption is ready! We are now fully prepared to- Gah!! It's starting to escape! Save yourself and all of Egypt!! DO YOU HEAR MEH??! Go save Egypt, now! Or I shall come back to haunt you after I'm dead!! I will destroy y-  
  
(static) 


	17. 17 Dark Demon Angel P2

OmRA!! I am SOOO sorry about that, not updating in so long, blame everything that's been going on in my house. - -; Well, anyway.. here's the new chapter!  
  
You: "FINALLY, YOU BITCH!"  
  
Ehehe.. cough I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! Or Happy Tree Friends. Still... ..  
  
Dark Demon Angel continued...  
  
Oh..oh, my TV just started to get all staticy is all. Ehe... so did you save Egypt? o.o I don't know you.. MANGOES ...ARE GUD!  
  
Oh, oh yah the patient, hold it a minute..  
  
Happy Tree Friends music's starting to play  
  
Mhm...Oh, what? Ah, oh yah. tee.. Tis the evil thing, it is! Well, anyway, Isis grabbed it with a stick and a hand attached and hung her above the spitfire above the room. Man, I am smart! Ha! I can do anything by myself without any help cause I am the great Master Malik! Muhu!  
  
Interesting.. I poke it with a needle and it starts to bleed ...pinkily. Ew, how can this shit have pink blood? That's disturbing... Oh well, time to plunge!  
  
And one, splash! No wait, burn! NUUUUH, there's a big bottle of soda with your name on it ;) .. yah.  
  
Aw man look at it burn! Its eyes are gone and everything! I am so kewl! Watch me and my bad self, I shall now jam to the music.  
  
Happy Tree Friends music still.  
  
Oh yah, rock yo body!!  
  
..ahem. Oh, right, now to do what I was meant to do for the destiny of my life. I hate that word.. Stupid Isis, overusing it. Mrr... Destiny, blah, your future, blah, blahblahblah, man she needs a life..like me! I bash stuff! It's a living.  
  
Whoa, some kind of big..rocket thing boom just crashed into the wall of my beautiful torture room! AH!!! My water-proof rare hunter robes, they're going into the spitfire!  
  
....I should've made them fire-proof too...  
  
Mmkay! The rocket is ready! Yes, I knew that that was going to happen. You almost thought I was stupid, huh? HUH!? I don't know you...  
  
"Isis, bring me a plushie.."  
  
"Shut up." What a bi-  
  
Ow, hey! She smacked me behind my head! That's illegal, no one can do that to someone with so much superiority over them, it's eeeviiiiiiiil!! More eeeviiiiiiiil than eeviiil!! Oo;  
  
Wow..look at the birdy.. gag.  
  
OK HAMMER TIME! (erm.. I don't own the song speaking of the big butts)  
  
I get this huuuge, I mean huuuge hammer, and smack tee off of the rope holding the spitfire and onto the rocket. Hm.. it doesn't seem to stay on right.. I get a bigger, spike-bolted hammer out instead! This is only for the special cases... and I mean speeeecial.  
  
Isis left... I wonder why? ...mm...the cows have come! You will venture to their pitfall.  
  
BOOM! I love the sound when a hammer meets an annoying bitch, don't you? She's inside the rocket now...it seems...that someone left rabid chipmunks in the rocket.. Oh, here's a show of my genius!!  
  
Rabid Chipmunks (insanitus rodetius) Likes: eating heads, burnt meat, trees with owls, the occasional beer. Dislikes: not being allowed to eat certain people. Quote: "RAWR, quuquuquu!!"  
  
Wow, I'm soo smart, they should've replaced Einstein with ME! I could've solved that P=Fc cubed thing anytime. =3 And you all know it!  
  
AAHHH OMRA!!!!!!! THERES SPEAKERS!!! They're speakers I say... AKAKAKAKA vomiting is a hazard MOO!  
  
Wow...this rocket's actually shaking...that's kinda creepy. :) Mm..hey, strange sounds... they're just like the ones that my closet makes! Probably cause of the animals inside...nah.  
  
...Ew, what the heck is that? Just move away...  
  
Maaaaybe I should check what happened. Opening the door with a crowbar ...I find... hey why's it called a crowbar if it doesn't look like a crow? Shouldn't it be called a ... I dunno, a pointy bar? Cause they're really pointy if you ever poked the tip of one, I mean... ow.  
  
Mhm.. Heeey. What happened to tee's head? It's kinda...not there! I see the chipmunks are full, excellent! Hey, where are they going? Eh? Uh-oh, they're loose..that...cannot...be good.  
  
Ehh...oh well, but just remember to keep a plastic bag with you at all times! Then they won't get you!! I'll give whoever captures a rabid chipmunk for me a cookie.. cause I still have uses for them. Grr..my prescious experiments are gone.  
  
Oh well, too bad. There's a hot glowy thing on my head with a bright light. Ooh, feels shine-ey! I send the stinking pile of..goo leftover in the rocket to the Shadow Realm. Oh yah, doing that is alllways fun, and it makes you smart too. The burning always makes people smarter! Burn yourself on the head, burn!  
  
an advertisement: don't try this at home..  
  
Kid: AHHH!! IT BURNS!!  
  
See? Don't try it..   
  
What was that? Oh well, probably just another bottle cap being flung at my beautifully-shaped head. What? I'm not conceited, you are! Go away, you're ugly.  
  
----  
  
And there is the end of another crappy chapter! A very short one...sorry people, I'm losing my style. XD Just wait for my happiness to return, preferably from being drunk! Just kidding about the drunk thing Oo; I am sooo losing it. Oh well, I'll probably update sooner from now on, cause it's starting to come back to me...but still, I can't guarantee anything. Maho Shojo, you're up next! 


	18. Chapter 18 Mai

Mm...yes! A 'normal' chapter! I'm sorry if my humor is a bit ...off? Oo  
  
I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!, never will...I think.  
  
Chapter 18: Mai  
  
Oh, yes, a day off of bashing, even though I'd rather get paid... but other than that, I'm going shopping with Ryou again. He's got..some sort of problem...yes?  
  
"Aw, it's a bunny..."  
  
Erm...that's a shoe. Wow, and I thought I was insane! Don't you think so, shoe?  
  
Shoe: Mrmrmm....  
  
Don't be mean, you jerk!  
  
"Hey, I'm gonna go to look at that pretty stuff, you can go ...do things! Like look at porn..."  
  
"O.o What?! I don't look at porn!"  
  
"Uhuhthatsgreatseeya!"  
  
Man, he annoys me sometimes. Oh well, I'm going to check out that lamp, hey sexay thing! Ooh, graceful curves you have..

Lamp: ..  
  
Interesting... Hey look, it's some blonde chick yelling at the clerk! A crowd's starting to gather, veery interesting. Not that interesting, you need to obey the table...do you understand? Obeeeeey it...no, obey! FU!  
  
Ey, it's Mai.. That's not possible. Oh, I hope Marik didn't make her too mad.  
  
Oops, I think she saw me, I must find some way to escape if I didn't get run over my some kind if electric shaver. Erm...who are you again? Oh, yah, my conscience.  
  
...  
  
You'll never take me alive!  
  
"YOU!!! It's you again!!" Augh, no, she's coming, run!  
  
"How dare you put me in the Shadow Realm??? I'll get you, hon!" Why..is she calling me hon? And how'd she get out already anyway? HEY!!! That's rude, don't touch there!  
  
(...O.O; erm...)  
  
"I'll get you for doing that to me, you asshole!"  
  
Hm...where are the voices coming from? Naananaaaa...  
  
"Oh, it's you." I didn't notice she was there, when'd she get here? ..  
  
"Grr!! You are such a pain in the buttocks! Listen, hon, I'll get you back for that if it's the last thing I do, you understand, hon?" Ok, that "hon" thing is getting so annoying, I'd wish she'd stop calling people that, I'm Ra-damned better than her!  
  
I flip a pencil up into her nose and walk away, but she just haaas to come back for MORE!!! :O MOOOREEE!!!  
  
"plaegh, pleagh, plagege!" Hm, the pencil must be speaking for her...  
  
I stick another one up her nose, AHA! Collection of pencils getting dimmer, must replenish. I'm going to go ste- I mean buy, more pencils! Whoot!  
  
"plaggeeg, lalgppe plaaggh" I think that means..."I will now bow down to you, Malik, you are extremely smart, handsome, and talented!" Yes, I know.  
  
In fact, I'm so talented that one time, I bought a little gold pyramid and I tricked Yugi into thinking that it was his Millennium Item by putting little decorations on it that made it look like the Millennium Puzzle, HA! Ima Genie us! And then I took his puzzle, and Yami hurt me and everything... must get revenge on that, oh how I will get revenge.  
  
Wow, my though trails are so cool. I will eat it now.  
  
Eat.  
  
Yum, ok, now where was I...hey what's that? What the...is she ...NO! She can't be! AUGH!  
  
She's buying more clothes... Wow, she's conceited. So much as that it makes me look angelic! Not that I'm conceited, of course, do I look conceited to you? No, of course not.  
  
.........Who are you?  
  
Weird...and still short! Man I suck OO; I really have to find a way to make these things longer, but then I would need a plot!


	19. Chapter 19 Serenity

After a loooong time of no-updatedness… I have decided sighs loudly to continue.

Disclaimer which chews away at my sanity: I will… never… own… Yu-Gi-Oh!

**Chapter 19- Serenity**

Damn, where have I been the past few… enter amount of time?

"Excuse me, sir? Are you there?"

…If I wasn't here, then where would I be? It's not like I got sent to the Shadow Realm! …Wait… what if I AM in the Shadow Realm?

"HelloOoOoo…"

Ugh, that voice is so annoying, I have to be in the Shadow Realm! There is no other possible explanation!

"Big brother, I think he's dead."

Stupid idiot, you can't die in the Shadow Realm! If you could die in the Shadow Realm, than Ryou would've died a long time when Bakura sent him there. Then again, he looks like he did die…maybe he's actually some kind of ghost. I mean, he's all pale and… and he likes furniture! That's a sheer sign of a ghost!

All ghosts like furniture, it's so common! What kind of ghost doesn't? I personally, have met quite a few myself, because they like to hang around the furniture that Ryou buys! It's like they swarm to him or something…them and their…ghostliness…ness.

Ew, especially that nasty polka-dotted armchair, that thing is older than time itself! I've seen ghosts of ghosts hang around that thing and speak to me, in fact, I remember one particular conversation when I was sick with a fever, and the kind ghosts were trying to entertain me…yes, those ghosts were great, especially Fred. He was awesome, cause he could juggle.

"Big brother, who's Fred?"

"Serenity… back away from the unconscious body. That's Malik you're trying to interpret! He's just a drunk bastard!"

"When'd you learn big words?"

"AIIEE!!"

And then Mary Jane was great too, she was such a nice lady. She tried to bring me coffee made from her lint collection in area A4 of the armchair. That was kind of nasty though, but I still accepted the offer because I'm too kind to say no. Too bad she was a monkey's slut on highway 89 back in the 40's.

"Big brother, I think we should bring him to a hospital…"

"No, don't! You'll wake him up!"

"Ugh… Monkey Slut…"

"…Yeah, you're right, let's just leave him there."

----

And do the chapters get any longer? ….No. Ah well, at least I continued at all! MUAHAHA!


End file.
